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    "Life is short" is what I hear my mother say to me. Hearing a voice telling me that I'm too lazy, or I'm too zoned out, hurts in way that are unknown to the world that I live in. I want to say that I want my lost freedom back or that I don't care if I died in a hole tonight. I want to disappear off this rotten world they call earth, I just want to find a place I can be myself all the time, instead of walk the world with a fake unwanted smile. I like when people lie to my face, cause most people are so stupid to think I don't see it in their cold black empty eyes. Most people see me as a cruel person to my mother, but I'm only tell the cold hard truth. I say lies about how I blame her for my fathers death, when even a two year old can see I'm lying. Yeah I know she done everything for me and protected me and loved me, but to tell the truth, I hate her guts that it makes me sick to know that I'm her child. It's the cold hard truth. Yes I'll cry if she died and ill will be sad, but why would I not be she was the woman that cared for me. I've been called a devil child and a heartless b****. Yet it's doesn't hurt cause I don't have a heart to care for useless words that won't kill me. I might be hated but I can get by without love, I have for 8 years. I'm just a heartless b**** that the devil gave birth too. I'm perfect but I don't have a heart to love.
    I really thought this just only Four months ago, well until I found someone I really love and I don't plan to let go of that person. Have you ever heard the saying " Love can drive anyone mad" the saying that is mostly found in gossip between, woman that think they have the right to talk down about others, or that have nothing else good to do. Anyway I'm getting a bit off track, "Love is a creation by the devil!" some people say, then there's thoses that had success in love that think love is a blessing from god himself.
    Why am I even trying to compare something that wont come to the human mind. Wrong, it comes to my mind all the time, love this love that. Is it really so important to find love? Then the word lonely pops into my head, loneliness is a curse to drag you into a commitment that no real person can take unless you immerse yourself in the pond of love, just be careful not to drown.
    The seven deadly sins, they all play a huge part in the world. Pride, Envy, Gluttony, Lust, Anger, Greed, and Sloth are the seven deadly sins we fear most yet we always cave into. War is composed of them all in a way but the most that causes the chaos are: Pride, which submerged our souls into a excessive belief that your better then anyone else. Now that's something to laugh about, now moving on we have Greed, money is everything, you want the best, the most expensive. You would rule the world. Make it how you want. I believe I'm a very greedy person have indorsed myself into Avarice. Lust, on by godly I love this sin, I embrace this sin wholly. Lust, oh lust what can I say its about love, hmm it ties right in with the last paragraph. Lust is an over whelming feeling in her heart and body that you most become one with that person, as if that is what people in love think, other just want it they don't care who, where, when. Yes love does play a part in this deadly sin. Yet not once have I ever thought of it as a love thing. oh right the last one is Envy, or jealousy to all the love birds out there on offence, right? we all envy the one that has a brain and knows how to use it here's a message from me " Hand it over and no one will get hurt, now give me your brains you smart people!!"  Oops, got of track, now umm envy, right? envy is when you see this person, and you want what they have, so you envy them, hmm good word play. So onward to the end of this meaningless nonfiction story ( no idea how its nonfiction but yup)
    What this jumbled up story about is my messed up thoughts over the past months, well some of them, others cant be mentioned because of different reasons I don't want to waste my precious time to explain it all to people that have a better way to spend their time then to read my jumbled thoughts. So if you did take your sweet time to read this, I thank you from the bottom of my heart that is fill with love and joy. well maybe that's a lied too you'll never know, anything I said in those paragraph could all be lies, but I don't lie well at least not today. enjoy!