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Previously:

He knew she was right. He knew she had only said it out of concern for his well-being and he knew she had a point. But damn it, it was not what he had wanted to hear.
Gideon leaned on the barrier with disenchantment weighing him down; disappointment on his shoulders and worry on his brow, eyes glued to the seal brown stallion and his rider who were tracing circles in the arena. He pictured his own bad mood radiating off of him like heat from a kettle and for once he did not really care if others picked up on that too. It was Stein riding Karn now, but it was only a matter of time before the dark stallion would be handed over to Kvark now that Annie had forbidden Gideon from riding here at the Zdarloch grounds.
‘Just until you’re feeling more fit for the task, Gideon. Just think about it.’
He did not resent Annie from having said it: she had made a convincing case and of course she only had safety in mind. Naturally she wanted to avoid additional accidents; Zdarloch had already had an entire season of bad luck. But that still did not make her suggestion one he applauded…
Karn passed by him again; visibly getting tenser and tenser. It culminated into a buck once he came out of the 20 meter circle, but Stein sat through it as if she had been glued to the saddle. Gideon lifted his gaze; his frown growing a bit deeper. What the..?
Karn bucked again; tossed his head and spun around as if startled by something. Again Stein handled it with ease; never losing her temper with the stallion.
,,What’s going on?” Gideon asked her once Karn was brought to a halt. He had never seen this gentleman of a horse act out in this manner before and it concerned him. There was always a reason for such sudden changes in behavior. A myriad of possible explanations swam through his mind: teeth problems, unfitted saddle, some physical cause they were yet to discover…

Stein, of course, had her own theory. She had felt the gradual shift in the horse’s behavior today; his tenseness growing a little each time they passed Gideon.
,,He’s okay.” she concluded, stroking the dark neck in a calming manner now that he was still again. The stallion's nostrils were still flared and his eyes triangular with confusion and each stroke along the strong neck made Stein's gloves clammy with sweat.
,,You’ve heard about the Zlesdin horse’s famous bonding instinct?” she went on in a calm voice as to not startle the horse further. ,,I think the answer is obvious. Karn is a one-master horse – and he has picked you.”
,,What?”
Stein let herself drop off the horse, beckoning Gideon to join her in the arena with a motion of her hand.
,,Come here. I can prove it.”
She watched her prize pupil detach himself from the barrier he was leaning on and make his way towards her. Karn watched him too, nickering in a low voice to greet him.
,,See?” she asked once Gideon stood face to face with Karn. ,,Calm again.”
Gideon grinned with a gentle uncertainty at that notion.
,,Don’t be silly. No horse thinks like that.”
,,Make of it what you will.” Stein said. ,,I think it’s pretty obvious.”
Perhaps that finally convinced Gideon – he knew his trainer to be dead-honest (usually ruthlessly so) and trusted her to always speak the truth. Stein regarded them both with as-close-to-a-smile as she could muster and kept it to herself that she had not been entirely truthful for once. Karn’s misbehaving had not, in fact, come from Karn himself. Instead the horse had picked up on Gideon’s bad mood, and each time they passed him it had added to Karn’s tension. Asking Gideon to leave the arena would have merited the same result: Karn would have calmed again. But Stein also knew her old student well enough to know when he was truly in a bad place and needed to cheer up – at this particular moment he needed that moreso than ever. Sometimes a small lie to cheer someone up is better than a pointless truth.

However much the notion of being picked by Karn flattered Gideon… it also complicated matters. Tremendously so.
Annie had forbidden him from doing any riding on the Zdarloch grounds – and Stein would not be able to take the trip from Stridsholt to here very often. Gideon could perhaps move Karn to Stridsholt for a while… but Karn was not his property to move at his own will. But if Karn stayed here, went to Simon and pulled a round of that drama – what would happen next? Would Simon tackle it as calmly as Stein had done or would he let his infamous temper run off with him?
Gideon contemplated the matter as he walked up the empty stable aisle. No… Simon’s beef was with other people. That was what was so annoyingly mysterious about him; as much as he had a habit of making enemies of people around him, he made friends with most animals he crossed paths with. One month it had taken him to get on as friendly terms with Sagadir as it had taken Gideon three years to do. If Karn pulled a stunt like that Gideon knew Simon would respond as sympathetically as the horse needed to calm down. Hell, it might even grant him ‘horse whisperer’ status in the stable. Following suit with the general trend around here lately, Karn too would come to the Kvark side eventually.
He felt his jaw tensing again.
Annie was on team Kvark now. Phuong. Sagadir… even Kaira, it seemed. Everybody was flocking to his side like flies flock to a pile of dung. To Gideon it felt like standing on ground that continued to crumble beneath his feet until he eventually would fall. Or, you know, just like inhabiting a damaged body with a shoddy leg that was good for nothing except invoke pity and concern in others.
An empty feeding bucket stood in the middle of the aisle and without even thinking about it he kicked it so hard it went flying, causing a rattle and a ruckus that for a brief instant seemed to rival a percussion concert. Then he realized he had used the wrong leg to kick with…
He landed on the stone-tiled floor with a thud and felt the air getting knocked from his lungs. Too fed up to really bother with an emotional reaction he remained laying sprawled on his back for a few seconds until Azaria’s concerned voice broke his contemplative silence.
,,Are you.. okay? I don't think it was a squirrel who kicked that bucket, so don't you deny it."
He groaned with irritation and sat himself up; so grateful and so annoyed by her presence at the same time.
,,Why am I not getting better?” he asked her out of the blue.
,,...Aren’t you?” was her wary reply.
,,I am not. I seem to have plateaued in this useless state. Nothing has gotten better in the past weeks: not my form, not my balance… not my head.”
He breathed in and out.
,,If anything, it’s like I’m going backwards while the rest of the world just keeps going forward. And whenever I want to voice my concerns I get told I should be grateful that things aren’t worse. Everyone is so eager to move on and they don’t get that I’m stuck here; metaphorically and physically.”
Azaria nodded quietly, not attempting to deny that.
,,It takes time.” She said. ,,Nerves – they grow slowly. You may not feel progress from day to day, but you have improved since you first came back…”
,,What if I’m never going to get better than this?” he went on. ,,Maybe I just have to face the fact that this is as good as I'm ever going to get. I am sick and tired of people weighing it all on me; that if I just wished harder or trained harder I had the capacity to ''cure myself''. As if they don't get that permanent means permanent and that nerves and brains can't be fixed by sheer willpower."
He allowed himself a moment to breathe before continuing:
,,I’ll never be able to do anything worthwhile with my life. I write stuff down but even then I can’t keep track of my pills; how could I possibly keep track of my own life? I thought I only kept these at home; now Annie tells me she found these lying around.”
He brought out the pill package Annie had returned to him earlier today; turning it over in his hands a few times. Azaria watched him fiddling with the package; that frown etching itself deeper into his forehead like it always did when he concentrated hard on something.
She patted him lightly on the knee.
,,I get what you're saying. Maybe you won't get better, physically - but these thoughts of you, ah, I don't think you're beyond help. So maybe you need to have your dose adjusted – there’s no shame in th—”
,,These pills expired eight years ago.”
,,…sorry, come again?”
Gideon turned the package over one more time, his gaze suddenly fixed more intensely.
,,These pills,” he elaborated. ,,They are the same pills I use; a Goldenzymes product. But this is the old version – we stopped producing them eight years ago.”
,,So?” Azaria hesitated. ,,You’ve been using out-dated pills the entire time?”
,,…No.”
Gideon put the pills away and struggled back to his feet; a mixture of confusion, foreboding and determination on his face.
,,These aren’t mine. But I think I know whose they are.”

To be continued ~
Next: 3.13: Whack

SO
How many found the 'Kicking the Bucket' poster in episode 3.1 and thought the title of this chapter meant I was going to kill someone off?

Hehe
That was a red herring.
Someone just literally kicked a bucket.
SORRY, I couldn't help but include a 'fake' clue just for the fun x)

....or was it actually fake?

Determined to get this season rolling a bit more smoothly; we are closing in on some... drama. It's gonna be... whack.

_____

Gideon, Stein and ZS Karn Evil reside with me
Own ground texture
Wood textures from cgtextures

Description
Previously:

He knew she was right. He knew she had only said it out of concern for his well-being and he knew she had a point. But damn it, it was not what he had wanted to hear.
Gideon leaned on the barrier with disenchantment weighing him down; disappointment on his shoulders and worry on his brow, eyes glued to the seal brown stallion and his rider who were tracing circles in the arena. He pictured his own bad mood radiating off of him like heat from a kettle and for once he did not really care if others picked up on that too. It was Stein riding Karn now, but it was only a matter of time before the dark stallion would be handed over to Kvark now that Annie had forbidden Gideon from riding here at the Zdarloch grounds.
‘Just until you’re feeling more fit for the task, Gideon. Just think about it.’
He did not resent Annie from having said it: she had made a convincing case and of course she only had safety in mind. Naturally she wanted to avoid additional accidents; Zdarloch had already had an entire season of bad luck. But that still did not make her suggestion one he applauded…
Karn passed by him again; visibly getting tenser and tenser. It culminated into a buck once he came out of the 20 meter circle, but Stein sat through it as if she had been glued to the saddle. Gideon lifted his gaze; his frown growing a bit deeper. What the..?
Karn bucked again; tossed his head and spun around as if startled by something. Again Stein handled it with ease; never losing her temper with the stallion.
,,What’s going on?” Gideon asked her once Karn was brought to a halt. He had never seen this gentleman of a horse act out in this manner before and it concerned him. There was always a reason for such sudden changes in behavior. A myriad of possible explanations swam through his mind: teeth problems, unfitted saddle, some physical cause they were yet to discover…

Stein, of course, had her own theory. She had felt the gradual shift in the horse’s behavior today; his tenseness growing a little each time they passed Gideon.
,,He’s okay.” she concluded, stroking the dark neck in a calming manner now that he was still again. The stallion's nostrils were still flared and his eyes triangular with confusion and each stroke along the strong neck made Stein's gloves clammy with sweat.
,,You’ve heard about the Zlesdin horse’s famous bonding instinct?” she went on in a calm voice as to not startle the horse further. ,,I think the answer is obvious. Karn is a one-master horse – and he has picked you.”
,,What?”
Stein let herself drop off the horse, beckoning Gideon to join her in the arena with a motion of her hand.
,,Come here. I can prove it.”
She watched her prize pupil detach himself from the barrier he was leaning on and make his way towards her. Karn watched him too, nickering in a low voice to greet him.
,,See?” she asked once Gideon stood face to face with Karn. ,,Calm again.”
Gideon grinned with a gentle uncertainty at that notion.
,,Don’t be silly. No horse thinks like that.”
,,Make of it what you will.” Stein said. ,,I think it’s pretty obvious.”
Perhaps that finally convinced Gideon – he knew his trainer to be dead-honest (usually ruthlessly so) and trusted her to always speak the truth. Stein regarded them both with as-close-to-a-smile as she could muster and kept it to herself that she had not been entirely truthful for once. Karn’s misbehaving had not, in fact, come from Karn himself. Instead the horse had picked up on Gideon’s bad mood, and each time they passed him it had added to Karn’s tension. Asking Gideon to leave the arena would have merited the same result: Karn would have calmed again. But Stein also knew her old student well enough to know when he was truly in a bad place and needed to cheer up – at this particular moment he needed that moreso than ever. Sometimes a small lie to cheer someone up is better than a pointless truth.

However much the notion of being picked by Karn flattered Gideon… it also complicated matters. Tremendously so.
Annie had forbidden him from doing any riding on the Zdarloch grounds – and Stein would not be able to take the trip from Stridsholt to here very often. Gideon could perhaps move Karn to Stridsholt for a while… but Karn was not his property to move at his own will. But if Karn stayed here, went to Simon and pulled a round of that drama – what would happen next? Would Simon tackle it as calmly as Stein had done or would he let his infamous temper run off with him?
Gideon contemplated the matter as he walked up the empty stable aisle. No… Simon’s beef was with other people. That was what was so annoyingly mysterious about him; as much as he had a habit of making enemies of people around him, he made friends with most animals he crossed paths with. One month it had taken him to get on as friendly terms with Sagadir as it had taken Gideon three years to do. If Karn pulled a stunt like that Gideon knew Simon would respond as sympathetically as the horse needed to calm down. Hell, it might even grant him ‘horse whisperer’ status in the stable. Following suit with the general trend around here lately, Karn too would come to the Kvark side eventually.
He felt his jaw tensing again.
Annie was on team Kvark now. Phuong. Sagadir… even Kaira, it seemed. Everybody was flocking to his side like flies flock to a pile of dung. To Gideon it felt like standing on ground that continued to crumble beneath his feet until he eventually would fall. Or, you know, just like inhabiting a damaged body with a shoddy leg that was good for nothing except invoke pity and concern in others.
An empty feeding bucket stood in the middle of the aisle and without even thinking about it he kicked it so hard it went flying, causing a rattle and a ruckus that for a brief instant seemed to rival a percussion concert. Then he realized he had used the wrong leg to kick with…
He landed on the stone-tiled floor with a thud and felt the air getting knocked from his lungs. Too fed up to really bother with an emotional reaction he remained laying sprawled on his back for a few seconds until Azaria’s concerned voice broke his contemplative silence.
,,Are you.. okay? I don't think it was a squirrel who kicked that bucket, so don't you deny it."
He groaned with irritation and sat himself up; so grateful and so annoyed by her presence at the same time.
,,Why am I not getting better?” he asked her out of the blue.
,,...Aren’t you?” was her wary reply.
,,I am not. I seem to have plateaued in this useless state. Nothing has gotten better in the past weeks: not my form, not my balance… not my head.”
He breathed in and out.
,,If anything, it’s like I’m going backwards while the rest of the world just keeps going forward. And whenever I want to voice my concerns I get told I should be grateful that things aren’t worse. Everyone is so eager to move on and they don’t get that I’m stuck here; metaphorically and physically.”
Azaria nodded quietly, not attempting to deny that.
,,It takes time.” She said. ,,Nerves – they grow slowly. You may not feel progress from day to day, but you have improved since you first came back…”
,,What if I’m never going to get better than this?” he went on. ,,Maybe I just have to face the fact that this is as good as I'm ever going to get. I am sick and tired of people weighing it all on me; that if I just wished harder or trained harder I had the capacity to ''cure myself''. As if they don't get that permanent means permanent and that nerves and brains can't be fixed by sheer willpower."
He allowed himself a moment to breathe before continuing:
,,I’ll never be able to do anything worthwhile with my life. I write stuff down but even then I can’t keep track of my pills; how could I possibly keep track of my own life? I thought I only kept these at home; now Annie tells me she found these lying around.”
He brought out the pill package Annie had returned to him earlier today; turning it over in his hands a few times. Azaria watched him fiddling with the package; that frown etching itself deeper into his forehead like it always did when he concentrated hard on something.
She patted him lightly on the knee.
,,I get what you're saying. Maybe you won't get better, physically - but these thoughts of you, ah, I don't think you're beyond help. So maybe you need to have your dose adjusted – there’s no shame in th—”
,,These pills expired eight years ago.”
,,…sorry, come again?”
Gideon turned the package over one more time, his gaze suddenly fixed more intensely.
,,These pills,” he elaborated. ,,They are the same pills I use; a Goldenzymes product. But this is the old version – we stopped producing them eight years ago.”
,,So?” Azaria hesitated. ,,You’ve been using out-dated pills the entire time?”
,,…No.”
Gideon put the pills away and struggled back to his feet; a mixture of confusion, foreboding and determination on his face.
,,These aren’t mine. But I think I know whose they are.”

To be continued ~
Next: 3.13: Whack

SO
How many found the 'Kicking the Bucket' poster in episode 3.1 and thought the title of this chapter meant I was going to kill someone off?

Hehe
That was a red herring.
Someone just literally kicked a bucket.
SORRY, I couldn't help but include a 'fake' clue just for the fun x)

....or was it actually fake?

Determined to get this season rolling a bit more smoothly; we are closing in on some... drama. It's gonna be... whack.

_____

Gideon, Stein and ZS Karn Evil reside with me
Own ground texture
Wood textures from cgtextures