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ashrei-halom — Night eyes
Published: 2003-12-07 07:08:36 +0000 UTC; Views: 553; Favourites: 6; Downloads: 201326689
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Description
Beneath skinned knees, the world sighsAs they find I am not what they wish
-Though I never said I would be-
All they can see is failure, an expectation of perfection unattained
That they deny the existence of.
“Us?” they say… “We expect perfection?… No, never”
Yet each holds an impossible ideal,
Ridiculous in the light of day and
Practical only under cover of night,
Veiled by soft dark, false smiles and eyeliner.
(And still they don’t understand why I love the night… but why not?)
Darkness hides the imperfection
And what can be seen in the glare of the city
Fades away…
Blinded by the lights of my eyes.
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Comments: 42
Finally I have the oppportunity to read your poem.
It touched me, I guess it has that power to touch people... who hasn't felt misunderstood and cast aside by society, felt like disapointing others expectations that we don't understand why they were created.
It's a magnificente piece and it touched me
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yeah I can definetly relate.. beautiful piece
just the right amount of words for it.. not overdone, not underdone, like some writing you come across, but just enough that it leaves you thinking.
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Thank you! I think that's got to be one of the hardest things about writing of any kind, but especially poetry... knowing when enough is enough and how to say something without saying it all. I love that you appreciate the balance of this piece. Like you said with your poem... it means the world to me.
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hehe no problem, indeed, it is!
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Loss of words-um, great job for starters-the first poem i have added to my favs...very well written--brings sad eyes to my otherwise happy face....makes me ponder deeply about the standards in which society holds people...great job
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I'm so glad this made you think about society's standards... I guess that's what I was really hoping for... that people would see this and start to wonder, not just about what standards society holds against them, but what standards they hold against others as a part of society.
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yes, standards in general, they seem to be everywhere! how many am i conforming to? how many do i hold against others? really makes me start to think! lol--i don't like thinking-it hurts...make it stop--j/k
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i never got around to reading this... and this is simply one of the most powerful, short pieces of poetry i've ever stumbled upon. it flows perfectly, its descriptions are flawless... it's amazing.
this deserves a fav.
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I'm sorry that I'm so late in commenting... I just wanted to thank you and let you know how much your comment meant to me. People usually don't pay much attention to poetry and even when they do, half the time they don't really care or read it completely. I'm so glad you liked it!
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Hi, I have visited your artpage! and I think it's nearly wonderfull : ) I am sure there must be a lot of special things about you to discover!
I just wonder if I can use your poem for my song?
please let me know about the subject!
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Truly lovely poem....and so profound.
I have often said the night is a good protector, a good cover for the imperfections we all have.
TY so very much for inviting me to read this poem. I LOVED it.
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oh I certainly did....I loved it!
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again this piece is soooo true..and sooo honest....
i dont have to say which line is the bestest coz obviously the comments says it all...
(if not all) well most people can relate to this im sure...
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lol im not nice...just bein honest...
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wow... me too.
"Yet each holds an impossible ideal,
Ridiculous in the light of day and
Practical only under cover of night,
Veiled by soft dark, false smiles and eyeliner."
nice...
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It's so true though... you can't hide from them except in the dark. Thanx
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This is simple beautiful, very well written,
"“Us?” they say… “We expect perfection?… No, never”
Yet each holds an impossible ideal"
the word perfection, that words drives me, society expects it, parents, guardians, perfection in whose eyes. Its a word that is empty. Excellance is what you should strive for! Perfection is something said by someone, and their comparision to something else, who is to say it is perfect in someone else's eyes. Great work, i love it....
mike
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the night is the best time... thats why i always stay up in the small hours.
during the night poetry just seem easier to write
the false lines like "hi, how are ya?" when well they dont really care, no one can be everyones friend bu if someone dont care why ask?
anyways...
“Us?” they say… “We expect perfection?… No, never”
as you say... i agree(i think 
a white lie can sting so much more than the naked truth.
well written
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Thank you so much... you understood this beautifully and I'm glad.
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Darkness hides the imperfection
And what can be seen in the glare of the city
Those lines are awesome! I really like this poem, it flows well and I could relate! I want you to know you got a fan in me...
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This has an interesting theme, how avoiding the light of day helps hide your imperfections at night, where the dim light helps escape expectation. At least that's what I got from it. Nice work.
I've read it over again and will give it
Rock on.
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Thank you... and you understood it beautifully. It always makes me so happy when people can connect with my work!
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It's interesting that you highlighted that phrase... that was always the most important phrase in the poem for me. The most honest, if you will. So thank you.
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Being honest about the falsity that you see, isn't that a virtue? 
Well, I'm off to write a sestina and/or pantoum.
-Nick
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A form of existence...very wisely stated. I've never written a pantoum or a sestina. I'm off to try it again, actually, as soon as I finish cleaning out my poor swollen inbox.
-Nick
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Not so much a virtue... more a form of existence. (And I love pantoums... so much fun, in part because of the structural challenges.) Enjoy!
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your poem is beautiful
i can completely relate to what you've expressed in your writting.
you expressed your emotions wonderfully
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Beautiful poem. I wish I could relate, but I've never worried about others expectations, the ones I set for myself were much higher anyway. And they were never about what I achieved, but how I achieved them. I always sleep better with a clean loss than a dirty victory. If I know I did the best I could, then I have achieved my expectation.
...but you have expressed yourself wonderfully. I would call that one expectation that was fulfilled.
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So technically counting the 2 times that commenting on this got screwed up this is the 3rd time
Myself i have always tried to put the expectations laid uppon me by others down to words, and to put my failure to achieve them into prospective for other people to understand. i have never been able to do it. I have tried so many times but everytime it comes across wrong. This piece is what i should have written, but never did. This is my mind exactly, like you traced my thoughts and put them down on paper. Beautifully written lauren, and beautifully expressed. Nice job.
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Thank you so much for the beautiful comment. *you really know how to make a girl smile!* :hugs:
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hehe... aww i try
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