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errantmystic —
the speed addict
Published: 2003-03-15 03:30:06 +0000 UTC; Views: 17969; Favourites: 511; Downloads: 323
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Description
the speed addict knows if he stops moving,he will die. so when inertia takes hold
his heart falters and his head slams against
a future, lit by the dashboard. he hears
his veins stuttering like gears grinding out
a staccato refrain, while the wheel spins and
goes numb. as his breath twists away from his grip,
rasps a hollow plea, he slides on a rail
towards impartial angels leaving rainbow sparks
in his soaring wake, and meets blazing lights.
the addict dies twice. one is never enough.
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Comments: 153
feel just the same each day when i ride out... do a 25 mile run on my bike in the peak hours and touch down!
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This is a phenomenal achievement. Three great poems in one. I love it.
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Wow, how totally clever! That's three poems in one!
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Heya
I take much pleasure informing you that this beautiful piece of literature has been featured here
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This is experimentally fun, and a treat to read in several ways. I especially like the ragged edges of the center column, pushing out the right-hand stanza in perceptible ways, causing a "jittery" feeling to the flow. Well-constructed. Damn fine, and worthy of a collection someplace.
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There are no words for how amazing I think this is.
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Wow! I like the poem, it's unique! Haha, nice work!
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Wow, this...this is one of the most interestingly structured poems I've ever seen! Though, granted I don't read much poetry, so I couldn't give a very in-depth analysis. Regardless, this is really wonderful. Thanks for sharing! You express great talent.
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Hey, here's my slightly more substantial comment, as promised!
The way this poem is 3 poems at once is stylish, impressive, and reasonably original -- anyone with any experience writing poetry with any sort of open style knows how difficult it is to twist a poem until it fits to something. We quickly learn that you have to have poems on your fingertips like they're second-nature before you can write something like this.
Aside from the unconventional medium - still any and all of the three poems stand out amongst the writings on dA today. Something is actually being said for once, and it's subtle without being too deliberately mysterious. I say this not to ride you - you have enough positive rambles - I say this because I just have a long breath of "wow" caught up after reading this.
Anyway - the individual images and sensory assaults are what impressed me the most - the little lines like
"his veins stuttering like gears grinding out
a staccato refrain,"
and
"towards impartial angels"
Are what really capture my imagination.
I'd want the far right final line to say "once" rather than "one" , and I'd want to use capitals where they were warranted - but I know some people are funny about capitals for some reason.
Speaksoon anyway
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Thanks for your comments, they are much appreciated.
As you may have noticed, you're not the only one to suggest "once" instead of "one". It is as written for a couple reasons. First, the line scans better reading down the right column as "one" and doesn't, to my mind, scan badly when read across that way, although obviously others differ. Second, "once" is preferred if the line is intended to respond to "dies twice", but that's not the line's function. It is intended to be both a play on the dual nature of the poem itself and a reference to the overall quality of addiction, not to move apposite the corresponding final left line. That so many people want this line to say something else suggests that I have not achieved a goal of clarity, which is entirely my own fault; nonetheless, that's why it's written as it is.
As for the capital letters, I found that introducing capital letters diminished the ability of the columns to disengage and recombine. Much aside from my obvious general preference for writing in lowercase, the ability of the line fragments to act simultaneously independently and in concert required lines to not announce clear start- and end-points as they would if the "beginning" of sentences were capitalized.
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Yes I'd say that wasn't clear enough to be instantly understandable, but I recognise your point straight away and now I can see why you'd write it that way.
Capitalisation - yes I can see that you'd need to avoid any issues with the combining of lines - I'd probably have also left them out.
hah, nothing but praise for you then.
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This is absolute brilliancy. Wonder and beauty filled.
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It reminds me of something you'd read in an Ellen Hopkins book. =] Very cool.
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It's not perfect, but it is significantly better than the vast majority of lit-related DD's. Kudos
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this is just brilliant, i love it -- it's so clever -- i imagine that it would have taken you a while to perfect in order to make it read fluently...
congratulations on the DD.
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wow, that's so great. unbelieveable. fantastic!
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This is way cool! I love two-sided poems such as these, where if you read one side by itself, it's a completely different poem! Three poems in one! Totally amazing!
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Awesome; I didn't realize until I re-read it that the two columns could function as separate pieces.
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wow this must have been insanely difficult to do. it's kind of like three poems in one. really nice job.
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I started crying as I read this.... It's very.... Real.
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this makes my heart beat faster and
i feel like if i make it to the end before
i'm really ready to something terrible might happen.
but then i just read it over and over.
this is wonderful.
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I think you did a really good job with this. Writing parallel like this cannot be easy, but you chose the words and punctuation that really work with all aspects of the poem. Neatly done, and very enjoyable -- glad you used an unusual and interesting form, too. Good work!
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wow! this is amazing!!! i love the way this is structured
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Wow. I don't think I've ever seen this style of poerty before. It's great. I love it.
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woah this was crazy. Didn't even realize it ould be read two ways until I read the comment. xD Super aweseome!
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Wow.
Just.
Oh my gosh.
How long did you work on this? I bet it would take me years to do something this good.
I'm EXTREMELY impressed. Like, on a scale of 1-10, it's somewhere near 700.
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It didn't take terribly long. I had the first line in my head for a little under a year, then as I was trying to do something with it, I started thinking about the ambiguity of speed and decided I wanted to try this parallel thing. After that there was about two weeks of revisions and feedback, resulting in what you see. It could still use some work. Once you know what you want to do, though, all that's left is doing it, and that is in some ways the easy part. Thanks for your comments.
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Ahh, this is really lovely. The parallel structure works quite nicely, though I prefer the left half over the right, and over the whole work. But, it's a brilliant idea, and it's done well. Kudos.
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Amazing. Congratulations on the DD, you deserve it. c:
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Wow.
Every word in this poem just seems to fit so perfectly. I could read it a hundred times over, I think, and still get a different image or emotion each time.
The flawless way in which you have used the structure/stanzas is simply magnificent - had it not been for the comment in the DD I never would have figured out that this could also read straight across as opposed to in columns.
Wonderful wonderful work
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What a great piece of poetry. Well written and a very clever concept of two poems that function together to create a greater piece.
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WOW. I loved the way you created three different poems with one poem.
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I'd read that again...all three ways.
excellence indeed! 
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That is the most amazing 22 lines I have ever read in my life.
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There are better 22 lines out there; for example, "The Second Coming" by Yeats. Still, I thank you.
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Hah, well, I just checked out "The Second Coming" - you're right, it's truly brilliant! Of course, this is still fabulous, and I actually like it better mainly because there are three different ways of reading it. It's more 'poetic', if you will, than Yeats' work.
And you are very welcome, it was my pleasure reading it!
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