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Little-man13 — I Pinky Promise
Published: 2012-07-09 22:08:22 +0000 UTC; Views: 12506; Favourites: 843; Downloads: 75
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Description
Let us talk for a little whileAnd let me make you smile
Let me take you out every night
And you will be the best sight
Nothing can compare
Because I love you I swear
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Comments: 210
i have a friend who is an amazing realist artist, and she drew a piece that looks almost just like this, like the poem too
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It's a nice poem alil cutesy but sweet all the same
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errr first of all that's not a concrete poem lol.
[link]
second of all, it's extremely cliche, and the rhyming sounds forced. (especially the lines:
Let me take you out every night
And you will be the best sight
and
Nothing can compare
Because I love you I swear)
(the first two lines don't sound that forced, but they still kind of are)
secondly, the style you wrote the poem in. that style was used by every single person who had an english assignment. you should try finding your own voice. a voice that wasn't worn by every person. (pardon my language, but that's like wearing a used condom) it just won't work.
thirdly, your poem does not show, it tells. i can read that poem and have a totally blank face. explain: what is love? what is making someone smile? what is a best sight?
the thing that makes me dislike this poem is how worn out the subject matter and style are. the sentence structure is boring, and it brings nothing new to the table. it's like, a clone of every other cliche, teenage love poem ever.
what i'm trying to say is: throw away that used condom, and find YOUR voice. find YOUR style. don't only write about what everyone already knows. describe it as something new. (hell, i wrote a poem about a splinter!) write about a button, write about a page of a book, and sure, write about love if you like, but don't make it so "been there done that." and finally: DO NOT FORCE RHYME! (try writing free verse, then, you can play around with structures and sentences and not have to rhyme dog and log) i hope i don't come off as too harsh, but you know some people just need that push. 
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Hey, sorry I am just replying to you but I was not really sure how to reply at the time. I was very new to poetry so forgive my error. I stupidly thought that a concrete poem was one that had a concrete style through the whole poem. This poem was a bit lame but I really had no idea that it would blow up as much as it did. I have other poems and they are thoughtful and meaningful to me. I never really posted much after all of this because I felt like no one really like the thoughtful stuff because everyone was loving the Hallmark card poems. I did write them and I did mean them but they were just fun poems when I had time to kill. I never really wanted to get this much attention because I knew my stuff was not that great or even good. I got a lot of crap about my little poems. I did take your advise maybe not right way but I did.
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ok so you know what makes a good poem, congratulations. But he still got 1027 likes and showed up on the front page. I know you are trying to help him become a better writer, but I doubt OVER half of the people care about the structure or the forcing of rhyme. He made a short sweet love poem that rhymed and people just eat that up, no matter how cliche or over done it is. Just sayin.
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ok, but if he is going to take poetry seriously he should at least consider what i said. also how many favorites he got doesn't make the poem any better. just because a ton of people like nicki minaj doesn't make her beethoven. (obviously she's not trying to be, but that doesn't make her music any better)
one could write this type of thing in thirty seconds, and not all of it gets this much attention. (there are like millions of these types of poems on dA) it's not because of how "amazing" the poem is, it's just luck, and the fact that he posted it in every literature group that ever existed.
if of course, he is only doing this for the favorites, then well, that just disgraces the name of poetry.
also just so that i don't get mixed up i need to ask you: do you view as my criticism as invalid? because that is the vibe your reply gave.
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I view your criticism as invalid. You should mind your own damn business. All art is a way to express yourself. Maybe this person can't tell the difference between concrete poetry and free verse, so what? No one cares about that, it a good poem, end of story. And that condom reference is just sick and gross. I say inappropriate things all the time and that made me sick.
And my poems probably sound like a lot of other teen poems, it doesn't make them less original.
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the guy posted his poem on a public website. that means i have a right to criticize it. also if you are a "poet" that can't tell the difference between concrete poetry and free verse, then you shouldn't call yourself a poet. also whether or not it's a good poem is a matter of opinion, and i have a right to share mine. that doesn't make it invalid.
also you claim to say "inappropriate" things all the time and the condom reference made you sick? are you serious? 
also i just read a few of your poems... yeah they are pretty unoriginal. that's pretty much what it means to be unoriginal. to sound like everyone else.
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Art is a way to express yourself. You don't have to know anything.
As for the inappropriate stuff, I'm the queen of that shit. But comparing poetry to condoms is just not right.
Unoriginal means to do what everyone else does. Those poems were 100% me, I poured my heart and soul into them. They are original, because I'm not like everyone else. I am my own person and I don't give a shit about everyone else.
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also i was just trying to help the guy improve, (because that's what artists strive towards) and here you go making it sound like i declared war on him. criticism =/= hate. i wish the best for him, and hope he improves, that is all. i worded it harshly so as to get my point across. i thought i cleared that all up in the first comment i posted.
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well no fucking shit. that doesn't mean that all art is good.
you are the queen of that shit but you can't take a little condom comparison? riiiigggghhht.
yeah and writing poems in such a cliched and worn out style makes them unoriginal. just because you came up with them doesn't make them original. unoriginal just means making art that is pretty much a clone of every single cliche thing ever written in your own words, and then plastering on the "these are my feelings u juss dunn understand" on them so people feel sorry for you and completely ignore the fact of how badly it's written.
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You obviously have no clue what real art is.
And I'm not kidding about being the queen of that shit. I don't remember that last time had a conversation that was appropriate. Me and my friend are always saying shit. What can I say, I'm a horny person.
And how is it my fault other people have the same feelings? To write well, you have write about things that people can relate to. Structure and rhythm doesn't make a poem good, it makes it boring, ordinary, uninteresting, a bunch of fancy words that no one gives a damn about.
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Lmao this "gothgirl" bitch doesn't know anything about poetry really. The only thing she said that is even half true is making a poem easy to relate to is good. Jaani-adrophile is right about this poem. Having good structure, vocabulary, and rhythm doesn't make you boring, it makes you good at what you do. This poem is cliche, that's why it's easy to relate to, not because it has some profound meaning that is worldly. There is a difference between being cliche and being able to relate to it. Also, Jaani was clearly just giving this kid advice, and you jump down his throat. How pathetic. At least he is trying to help this person improve his writing skills while you're just making excuses to use poor diction in his/your poetry. Just because something is free-verse doesn't mean you don't even use structure and rhythm if you poetry. Putting sappy words on a page =/= poetry. Sorry. I hope you both continue to improve your writing though.
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art is self-expression, we all get that. that doesn't mean self-expression sucks. you seem unable to differentiate between the artwork and the experience - don't take that to heart, most people on this deviant's profile are unable to do the same. people seem to think that if you criticise the poem, you're criticising the experience. nope, you're criticising how that experience has been put out to have an impact on a reader, and if this poet progresses thinking this poetry is 'good', he's eventually going to be submitting whatever he's progressed into to an editor who will immediately throw it in the bin.
your point about 'to write well, you have to durr' is the almost there, but not quite. you don't have to write about things people relate to, that might be true if you want to get popular on a website. the IMAGERY you use has to be relative imagery, ie relating an experience to something a reader can better understand. "the feeling was painful" is not enough because painful is different to different people, "like the impaling feeling of having breathed in too much water' is something people can relate to (people go swimming).
seriously, make a valid point or stop trolling and shut up
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so you are saying that anything that is art is good art? can people not have a second opinion?
if you really are a horny person then you wouldn't mind a condom joke.
it's not your fault, i never said it was. i just said that your poetry was unoriginal and dull in my humble opinion. i never said structure and rhythm make a poem good. (as is evident in this deviation) what makes a poem good is being able to weave words in such a way that it leaves a picture in your mind, and do it in a way that no one has done before. not stuff like (and this is shit i just made up now in a few seconds based off poems written by other teens)
my wrists are a river of blood
the blade runs across
i try to release the monster inside
but i cannot it's trapped in a web
of my feelings.
^ that is what i mean by shitty and unoriginal.
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it's so short and simple and i definitely wouldn't think something like this could be so popular but it's actually really good, great job!
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I like the poem but I don't think the title fits it well.
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well it was sworn so i thought what cute and is a promise so i thought of pinky promise
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The poem to me didn't come off as cute so I didn't follow that logic. Now I am not condemning you for using this logic. Cute can be good, but just remember don't just look for what might be cute. Deep and thoughtful titles are good too. Also ignore all these people who are hating on you because you put up poetry on DA. Writing is an art form too.
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thank you for you opinion and not being mean i will keep this in mind thank you
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This is beautiful.
It's simple but expresses so much emotion. Great job
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just... amazing...
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Check my drawings ---> [link] <----
i hope u will like it
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>>>support cancer research<<<
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:') Beautiful! Just amazing! Great job! Nice work!!
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This brings up so many memories, but sweet ones; this is really beautiful.
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aww...i love this
it flows really nice and it says a lot...like its simple and complex....at the same time...?
i dont really know....but i like it
and the picture too
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aw I understand what you mean so much!
And it's such a lovely poem to portray that emotion
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Short sweet and beautiful. Love the flow as well nice job.
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What a cute poem.
Wish someone would think of me like this, but in my schools(s), everyone was looking at someones looks, not their personality. :/ I bet highschool is just gonna be the same...
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I thought the same too, but there are people that really care about you. You have to look far and sometimes test them, well at least I do because I feel everyone who wants to be my friend/girlfriend has hidden motives, but my guy friend J., he pursued me and I really care about him. 
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Awww, so cute!!! =3
Meh, I asked one of my friends out once and he ran away screaming...
And all my 'friends' just dump/betray me in the end...
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Also, he didn't like that other girl, apparently he's had feelings for me the entire time.
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Ah, that's really cute.
I've only heard of that stuff in shojo manga xP -Is an otaku- It's nice to know even stuff like that is possible.
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It's very much possible, yeah he's an otaku too. I like western style a little more because I grew up with it, but my drawing style is a mix of both!
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Lol, otakuuuuuu's unite!!!
Western style? -Looks it up-
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American art style, like DC comics and such...
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