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Reilune — Noble Knight by-nc-nd
#blood #future #humanity #music #now #society
Published: 2016-03-28 23:36:58 +0000 UTC; Views: 2400; Favourites: 8; Downloads: 0
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Description Breaking free from my resistance, oblivion is our existence
Robotic, hypnotic, neurotically we methodically fall free
From our family tree to be a prodigy on these fallin' streets
Blood on the sheets, choppin' you all up like doggie treats

Postmortem struck boredom into those that couldn't afford 'em
A concord hymn by Emerson cause we can't win, lit so dim
Don't let the sun shine in, I broke the bottle of gin for a grin
That left me feeling hollow, lone swallow, eclipsed by Apollo
Sun God, religious fraud, grown in an alien pod to applaud

Our hero's, known zero's, R-Kelly so jelly of the pork belly so smelly
Kanye West had to infest and ingest, the suggested untested toxic waste
Post-haste, interlaced with societies anxieties of sobriety to notoriety
Willing us some vanity, just insanity the profanity of humanity

But how can that be, that we don't choose to be free, or morally directed
Injected with words orally, that we cannot see, brain on the tee
Yell "FOUR" the nevermore, craft life like it's just a chore, always more
But at the core, we are all rotten, forgotten by our own dreams, miracle schemes
To get the ball rollin' on in fancy jeans, while we're strollin' down these streets

To that same gangster thug beats, take a seat, fallin' short to the elite
Who stomp their boots as we kiss their feet, ready to meet the next order
Panic disorder as they block up the border; with walls, no balls to do it right
So we must fight the war they're waging, our own plight losing light
To the darkness that's takin' wind, ever pinned, skinned hanging out to dry

Tears fall down as we're askin' 'why?' We don't just die. We sit and sigh at the sky
Say goodbye to our battle cry as we deny and crucify our fellow man
We cannot understand boogieman, clergyman, middle-man, Afghanistan
Abominable snowman to shake your hand, and let it go for the show below us
Hell's burning bright and we've done lost the fight, no right, not so Noble Knight
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Comments: 5

thewhiteslaver [2016-06-17 15:52:21 +0000 UTC]

Overall

Vision

Originality

Technique

Impact


Just about the whole thing reeks of forced creativity. When lyrics are in print, you do not want the poeticism to fall short that way.

You could redeem it by becoming a rapper, recording it with a disposable rap beat of your choosing and possibly making a million dollars. Then it would be a million dollar track. Then you can laugh at my critique all the way to the bank.

Tempo would be up to you. Quicker raps are quicker to gain popularity because they are soooo impressive. Have you trained your voice to do that? I would hope so; especially if you were able to do a quick rap lucidly. Talking it slower would for sure allow listeners to hear and take note of these lyrics and think "Oh, clever."

Note: "FORE" is short is short for "forewarning" when playing that sport.

There are points in here where you seem to be conveying a significant and resonant message but it gets lost in the nonsense soon after.

The references dropped in some stanzas fail to impress in the way they are written. The selection of culture references is also staggeringly unimpressive. Better effort could be done in this already redundant facet of lazy writing.

So yes. Please become a rapper. This Google search page should be a good ore mine for that effect; just to get you started if you haven't.

www.google.ca/search?q=rapper&…

This could be a hit. There would be no shortage of white gangster-wannabe fops who would buy into it if it was spoken out loud in an entertaining way.

When I listen to the radio, I don't just ponder what sounds good. The best songs have a real message to convey. That's where the impact comes in. I would like the impact to be positive and not just trivial pop culture jargon for people to fill their brains with. You've lost your message if there was one. It's submerged in murky blather if it's really there. I'm starting to doubt.

Find your voice if this is important to you, O poet. You'll get everything you put into it and more if you draw the spark from your soul. Show us more of that and you will not fail to dazzle.

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annathecreator [2017-05-28 23:29:41 +0000 UTC]

This could be a rap XD

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Reilune In reply to annathecreator [2017-09-01 19:02:34 +0000 UTC]

That's what I was aiming for.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

trappie [2016-05-05 21:47:19 +0000 UTC]

i liked reading this! its a bit of a ..let me ponder for a while story

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Reilune In reply to trappie [2016-05-24 01:21:11 +0000 UTC]

Yarr Thanks!

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