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TCPolecat7 — What Cannot Be Unseen
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Published: 2014-07-23 12:18:30 +0000 UTC; Views: 7842; Favourites: 81; Downloads: 280
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MLP (c) HasbroPreview Image: pre-production sketch (I think) by Lauren Faust, found online.
Welcome to a tale of mystery and horror. Starring one, Twilight Sparkle, as she seeks to untangle the events that resulted in a mare she only briefly met in a different world from her own lying dead on the floor. Follow as she unravels the mystery, and in turn has her own sanity unravel in the process. Mwahahaha!!
Okay, enough mood stuff and book blurb crap. This was done as a writing challenge within the pre-readers (thus it was internal) for Equestria Daily. A handfull (hoof-full?) of us participated, and this is my entry into this contest. I have rated it, via DA's system, as moderately mature, because Lovecraftian horror can give some people difficulty.
I know there are a few mistakes in the story still, but that's from the limited time we had to write and edit these. Plus, if I keep trying to tweak it, I'm gonna mess something up. Anyway, here it is, in all its glory. I'm pretty happy with it. For those curious, the Prompt I was randomly given is included at the end of the story.
Oh, and those waiting for New Breed: Book 3, I haven't stopped working on it. it's just going a lot slower than I would want. I'm still working on it, promise. It just might take me longer than I would have predicted... I apologize to those waiting, it's coming, slowly... >.<
- Polecat
Edit: For those of you already watching, thank you. I updated this with a few minor corrections and edits for Halloween and for submission to Equestria Daily. If you downloaded it for your personal files, you might wish to re-download it. And yes, I remembered to fix the Ate/Are misspelling roughly halfway into it.
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Comments: 52
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Wonderful read! I loved it! The first book was a collection of Lovecraft tales, ok, but what was the second one? were you drawing off a real world book, or did you pull a necronomicon? I always love learning new magiks, so i'm curious
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
In this case I just made up a book about magic. Sorry to dissappoint you. That said, I'm glad you enjoyed the story. Please don't summon Cthuhlu, I don't care for that brand on insanity.
- Polecat
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Very good story! Plenty of thinking and heart-warming moments.
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Thank you. 
- Polecat
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Good job. Nice read you might wan't to post on Fimfiction.net.
There really was no need for a censor warning...
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
You can see my other comments for why I prefer to avoid Fimfic. As for the censor warning, I did that because the Cthuhlu mythos is disturbing to some people, so erred on the side of caution.
Otherwise, I'm glad you enjoyed the story.
- Polecat
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Huh.
That certainly was interesting. As for what xanderfox mentioned earlier, I imagine the EQG world was wiped out; sort of as a companion piece to Charles Stross' short story A Colder War. (If you haven't read that short story, I highly recommend it; think Cthulu Mythos set during the Cold War...)
This story certainly was dark and chilling, but I felt that it ended on a somewhat hopeful note (especially compared with Colder War). Sure Twilight now has a hole in her memory and Sunset has age regressed, but Equestria has dodged a bullet and is now locked away beyond the notice of the Many-Angled Ones... (Or untill somepony is revealed to be an Elder God avatar; I imagine something barmy like Derpy being Yog-Sothoth what with her bubbles CM).
I'm certainly sorry to hear you don't wish to publish to FimFic. As a reader, they have some great tools to manage and track fics as well as d/l them in lovely formats that play nice with ebook readers of all stripes and sizes. You're the author though, so your way, your rules...
Oh well. C'est la vie....
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I'm glad you enjoyed my fic! I will admit that i wrote this before we had much info about Rainbow Rocks, so I made some of my own assumptions of their human world. One of the pre-readers even noted it seemed odd how closely I associated it with our own reality, but that it wasn't what they considered an overwhelming problem.
I went for that "bittersweet" ending that I have a certain love for. They w\heroes one... for a time, but at great cost. And with the Elder Gods, there's no such thing as a permanent win, they play a LONG game...
As for Fimfic, while I understand and agree they have better tools, my concern is about some of the content they allow to be posted on their website. They're just... ick. I'm sorry, I'd rather not be associated with a website that willingly posts (and then defends posting) what amounts to child porn (that is what I consider their "filly" porn) stories. That's why i haven't posted there...
- Polecat
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Fimfic stuff...
Blimey.
Well that certainly explains it all. I don't ever turn off the content filter so that's certainly news to me. I knew in the back of my mind there was probably dodgy content buried behind the scenes when they added the little black "RTA" sticker, but nothing of that calibre... It's kindof horrifying and rather heart-breakingly sad that some people feel the need to produce that kind of stuff.
(As a side note, does anyone else find the fact the DA has an "Ideologically Sensitive Material" category to be gratingly patronising and condescending?)
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
"I plan to have her interred tomorrow morning at first light. Given her name it felt… appropriate."
That's sunrise, actually.
"The forward covered much superstition"
*foreword
"much closer relationship to Fluttershy than with myseld."
*myself
Sunset Shimmer fhtagn.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Yeah, after 2 months of editing, and I still managed to miss a few. >.<
- Polecat
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Kind of sad ending. I'm not big into the whole memory erasure thing and I could hope for a more truthful revelation to the princesses that would leave them more understanding and less punitive on Twilight's part. How much rewinding are we talking for poor Sunset. It's not much of a win to have yourself erased. In a better world it'd be ideal if she remembering everything except about those things.
This -> tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php…
Reminds of this, just a little bit:
"In the Young Wizards series, speaking any of the Lone Power's nicknames has the danger of drawing Its attention. Even thinking its true name is guaranteed to get Its attention unless something is keeping It distracted."
The above is a reference to a series I like. Not dark like Lovecraft or Cthulu, but if I were a character in those stories I wouldn't go around speaking too loudly or thinking too hard about that One. It invented death... (www.youngwizards.com/ErrantryW…
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
The point of this is it's not SUPPOSED to be a win. it's a temporary win with great costs. the Cthuhlu mythos is extremely dark, and that's what I was channeling for this story. Ergo, the ending is supposed to be a little sad, or "Bittersweet". Those are the best kinds of endings, IMHO.
- Polecat
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Why in heaven´s you did not published this on Fimfiction !? It´s marvelous, truly lovecraftian !!!!! Congratulations !
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I don't post to fimfiction over some doubts about some of the fics they allow to be posted there. It's less about the quality of my work, and more about the content they allow.
I am glad you enjoyed the story tho, thank you.
- Polecat
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Wow, I love this! It's so dark, but so awesome!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Thank you. That's the sort of thing I was going for.
- Polecat
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I'm a big fan of stuff like that. I have yet to write a pony fanfic, but i'll get there. I'm just trying to come up with a topic.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Make sure flash is enabled. I'm using a PDF file, and DA uses a flash insert to show it. It won't shopw on a mobile, I've found, due to that.
- Polecat
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Oh, and Equestria has nothing to fear regardless because an Elder God already lives there and keeps it protected.
We already know her, if you think about it. Her presense was so powerful that a single image of her in the first episode inspired a rabid fandom dedicated to her adoration.
;3
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
*yawn* Sunset Shimmer is still dead. This reanimated corpse has nothing of 'her' left in it. It's 'death of the mind', no different than if you'd cut out her entire cerebral cortex and replaced it with an infant's.
Besides, I happen to know one of the Elder Gods on a personal level. And not one of Lovecraft's silly delusions either. Good old Har'thwk'grundlouqwrst, Jr.
According to him/her/it/wut (all depends on its mood on a particular moment), the other Elders find Lovecraft quite the comedic bit of farce. Though, there is the suspicion that another Elder who goes by UMAD'trolololo inspired Lovecraft... or took over him mind... meh, whatever... to screw with humanity in the first place.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I read it, at it was really good. 
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I never got specific over who or what the threat was... as it should be. The Elder Gods should be inscrutable to minds such as ours.
- Polecat
👍: 0 ⏩: 2
To minds such as 'yours', perhaps.
My highly evolved brain undergoes synaptic quantum permutations in no less than 12 dimensions at any one entropic period point variable.
(PRIMITIVE MONKEY!! YOU SHALL BE EXTERMINATED!! EXTERMINAAAAAATE!!) ;D
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Oh look! An Equestria Daily story post! www.equestriadaily.com/2014/10…
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Yup. I submitted it and after one of the other Pre-readers helped me iron out a few minor problems, it was posted.
- Polecat
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You have to make sure Flash is enabled (if you have a script blocker, it might be disallowing it) and have Adobe Acrobat (free version is fine) on your system. DeviantArt does PDF files in a window on the page.
- Polecat
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Awh so much for that. Mobile Device.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Hmm... I can't find this story or your user profile on FiMfiction anywhere. To be honest, I almost didn't read this because of that, but I'm glad I did though.
This was very well done. Scary, but a fascinating read. I especially loved Luna, Celestia and Discord's roles, you wrote them very well. Congrats on the Equestria Daily feature.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
That's because I don't have a Fimfiction story or profile. I don't use Fimfiction, by choice, at this time.
As for the story, I'm glad you enjoyed it. I have some mental images of those three (partly from writing my "new Breed" story, in which all three have heavy support roles) and I'm glad they translated well. ^_^
- Polecat
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Scary yet with a happy ending, I like tales that balance that. Twilight faced the horrors from beyond the stars but was smart enough to have Discord eradicate her memories of them. It does make one wonder what has become of the Equestria Girl's universe, did the Old Ones finally "awaken" there and destroy it? Or do they yet sleep and it's still safe?
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Have you ever read Charles Stross' short story A Colder War ?
I would make for a good companion piece to describe what happened in the human world.
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I intentionally didn't specify that. But the ponies had to "abandon" it to its own fate in order to hide from the Elder Gods themselves. So yes, I tried for a bit of a balance there. As for their fate? I'll leave that to your imagination.
- Polecat
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Well in World where the elder gods exist it's never a matter of "If" the world is doomed, but "how long" until the doom awakens. The best humanity can hope for is the Elder Gods to sleep well past the point where humanity no longer exists.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
This was really well done. I have yet to read many stories at all that have Sunset Shimmer in them that I like so props for making that a reality here. Also I'm glad to hear a bit of news on A New Breed: Book 3. I was going to ask you about it around November if I hadn't heard anything before then. Keep up the great work.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it. And yeah, I don't see Shimmer as being irredeemable, just someone who let her personal thirst for knowledge and power get out of hand and needed to be forceably set back on the right path.
And yeah. Book 3 is still being worked on. it's just going a LOT slower than I'd like, and I'm having real trouble working with all those characters. Learned a valuable lesson tho, never EVER expand the cast that much. I ain't Tolkein, and I can't handle it. LOL
- Polecat
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
This was a fun read. I'm a huge, HUGE sucker for Lovecraftian horror stories.
You definitely nailed a good creepy atmosphere where you needed it and I like how the ending, though happy enough, still gives me an ominous feeling.
Nice work!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Thanks! I admit I had fun writing this. That sort of writing format doesn't usually come naturally for me (I tend towards using a 3rd person narrative over a 1st person), but this one just clicked when I started writing it. And I'm glad the ending (and the rest) satisfied.
- Polecat
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Thus begins the sequel: Past Sins, starring Sunset Shimmer! :V
Nah, I dug the dark spots in this, and the fact that you didn't go too far down the grimdark hole.
👍: 0 ⏩: 2
That particular Title has already been taken sadly TakeWalker.
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Yeah. That was the joke.
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I wanted it to be dark, but not grimdark... There is a difference, after all. One can be dark without violence, and I managed (luckily I might add) to channel that whole victorian horror feel.
Past Sins Shimmer? Ye gods... I think I'll avoid writing THAT story, even if the idea is funny. *LOL*
- Polecat
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Holy crap that was crazy good! Never would have imagined a lovecraft-my little pony crossover before, and greatly enjoyed this.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
A friend was helping me toss ideas when the opening all but dropped into my head. It took me a little over two weeks to write, so to say I was inspired....
I'm glad you enjoyed it.
- Polecat
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Yaaay! I do love a good horrors-beyond tale, and this is a good horrors-beyond tale.
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