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WordOfChen — To The Beautiful You
Published: 2012-12-17 15:17:53 +0000 UTC; Views: 21161; Favourites: 616; Downloads: 125
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Description To The Beautiful You:

Here we are, sitting behind these screens of glass,

Reading lines of text, yet smiling, laughing and crying.

It's strange to think that I could have this much fun -

Considering that I've never met you before, but then again

Perhaps that's the reason why I don't have to pretend.

Some people might tell me, that what we have is just a fantasy,

I doubt I'll have the chance to actually see you in this life-time.

But even so, in the time that we've spent together - Well,

I feel as though I've connected with you, more than anyone else.

I feel as though I know you better, than those just a few feet away.

You might take this little confession as something silly,

Maybe you'll even forget about it as time passes,

But I for one could never forget about someone like you,

And so I'd like to dedicate this piece, to the beautiful you.





-Chen Yuan Wen, 17th December 2012
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Comments: 266

WordOfChen In reply to ??? [2013-01-04 02:56:20 +0000 UTC]

Thank you very much for the indepth critique, it was a pleasure to read ^^ However, just for the sake of the artist who has to read it, please ensure you space out your paragraphs properly Otherwise the wall of text can be tough to decipher. By breaking it up, you won't just get the artist to read it, but also he people who will feel more comfortable with well spaced out paragraphs ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Bullcross In reply to WordOfChen [2013-01-04 11:06:17 +0000 UTC]

Oh, yeah, sorry about that; I am not used to spacing out paragraphs in English, since it is diffrent in my language, but I guess this is no excuse. Nevermind ._.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

WordOfChen In reply to Bullcross [2013-01-04 11:24:24 +0000 UTC]

Nah it was a good critic, just space carefully it's good ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

MarcusPenrose [2012-12-18 14:28:32 +0000 UTC]

Overall

Vision

Originality

Technique

Impact


I have mixed feelings about this poem. It's theme is not exactly what T. S. Eliot would have made a beeline for but it's not a bad piece either. Let's start from the top:
I enjoyed this. It states very effectively that you can know a person even if you never meet them in real life. Basically, it's a poem supporting a modern take on penpals. At least, that's what it looks like to me. It is full of emotion and affection but also a bit of sorrow, because there is the feeling of still wanting to meet the e-friend in real life. Either way, great way of tackling the theme.
However, there are reasons why there are no five stars. I am not fond of free verse. That's not to say I avoid all free verse poems like the plague, in fact I enjoy quite a few, however, I do consider set metres the better way. Also, the theme is too obvious. You make it sound obvious and mundane. It makes it more accessible, but you could use your imagination to make the idea of an e-friend more fantastic and easier to sympathise with than for people who do not agree with it. Perhaps a ghost which the narrator never sees but still knows would serve as a better metaphor for the e-friend?
Overall: for a free verse I found it to be great fun but far from perfect.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

WordOfChen In reply to MarcusPenrose [2012-12-18 15:24:27 +0000 UTC]

Metaphors and all that subtly is outright boring in my opinion. I find that the average individual prefers a poem that is obvious, straight to the point and doesn't beat around the bush. I believe this trend is evidenced by the immense amount of support that emotional literature gets, even badly written works like twilight and fifty shades of grey.

For an author we have two real options. We can attempt to tackle the market in a way that suits the general public thereby increasing the chance of reaching a wider audience or we can push ahead with the old archaic forms of poetry that only cater to a very small minority with the ability to read it.

Free verse may not be your cup of tea, but for emotional pieces I've found it sets the mood perfectly as measured and metered thoughts bring across a much more childish feeling and it's a little too happy really (unless you want to be creepy in which case I do favour rhymes for that).

Thank you for critiquing ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Michel-le-fou [2012-12-17 16:06:46 +0000 UTC]

Overall

Vision

Originality

Technique

Impact


Captain, ye done it again. Although I would like to see more substance here, I certainly enjoyed reading another amazing poem. The lines were ample without being verbose; the expression was neat. "Considering that I've never met you before, but then again perhaps that is the reason why i don't have to pretend." Charming and quaint diction. Somehow there is a bit of the Englishman in ye with this. The line that others would pass off the relationship as fantasy rings the bell. I am surprised that my readers don't say so about Puabi.
The remainder was you wholly. After a few startling shockers, ye came out with this romance. Charming.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

WordOfChen In reply to Michel-le-fou [2012-12-17 16:10:33 +0000 UTC]

I had planned more dark works, but with the recent tragedy, I think people need some time to recover before I show them nightmares once again ^^

Thank you for enjoying this Michael, your critiques and readership are always welcome :3

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Michel-le-fou In reply to WordOfChen [2012-12-17 16:20:37 +0000 UTC]

Good. Oh, which tragedy do ye speak of?

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

LaCiCi In reply to Michel-le-fou [2012-12-18 14:11:22 +0000 UTC]

I believe he means the tragedy from Friday morning in Connecticut.

[link]

Its sad really.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Michel-le-fou In reply to LaCiCi [2012-12-19 06:25:08 +0000 UTC]

Yes, I am sure.

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EeDes [2019-09-03 11:40:52 +0000 UTC]

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abstract-mouse [2013-02-07 01:21:59 +0000 UTC]

I can relate to this, so much...*sigh*

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

WordOfChen In reply to abstract-mouse [2013-02-08 06:38:30 +0000 UTC]

I'm glad ye could friend ^^

-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Sanddune798 [2013-01-03 15:57:47 +0000 UTC]

I think most of us here at deviantART can relate to this. We all have met those people that are just so amazing and funny--but we have no clue what they look like.
The simplicity of this is vital. A cryptic poem, a stuffy poem, a poem chocked full of ancient language and big words grown dusty from sitting around in dictionaries wouldn't get the message across. In fact, I fear the message would be mutilated beyond repair.
So, I propose a toast, to keeping it simple!
And, as always, thank you for this.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

WordOfChen In reply to Sanddune798 [2013-01-05 06:52:16 +0000 UTC]

Yer most welcome me fine friend ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Coeb [2012-12-26 02:22:43 +0000 UTC]

YES. My feelings exactly. I cannot...even...begin to describe how much I relate...

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

WordOfChen In reply to Coeb [2013-01-05 06:52:27 +0000 UTC]

Haha well I'm glad ye do me friend ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates

P.S. Sorry fer replyin' after so long, been busy with me e-book which has just been released

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Coeb In reply to WordOfChen [2013-01-07 23:40:17 +0000 UTC]

Trust me, I am too. I was feeling lonely thinking I was perhaps the only one who felt this way. Turns out others do as well, judging by the comments, and maybe even yourself if I'm correct!


And thats fine. c: I honestly didnt expect you to reply. Good luck with your book!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Kailani-e [2012-12-25 04:33:39 +0000 UTC]

^_^ Thank you! We all love reading your work and just hanging out here with you too! Merry Christmas!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

WordOfChen In reply to Kailani-e [2013-01-05 06:52:36 +0000 UTC]

Aye ^^ I do love the festive month :3

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates

P.S. Sorry fer replyin' after so long, been busy with me e-book which has just been released

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Prof-Stein [2012-12-21 18:09:41 +0000 UTC]

This made me feel fuzzy inside.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

WordOfChen In reply to Prof-Stein [2013-01-05 06:52:44 +0000 UTC]

Then I'm glad ye warm ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates

P.S. Sorry fer replyin' after so long, been busy with me e-book which has just been released

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

HarleKlown [2012-12-21 04:39:17 +0000 UTC]

So true, I'm home schooled and in a new town so all my friends my age are online. I even got to fly out this summer and meet one who've I've know for years, it was a real treat.

👍: 0 ⏩: 2

abstract-mouse In reply to HarleKlown [2013-02-10 23:24:56 +0000 UTC]

you are so lucky...omg!! I hope you had an AMAZING time.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

HarleKlown In reply to abstract-mouse [2013-02-10 23:47:56 +0000 UTC]

Thank you!! I had to pay for the ticket and gasoline to the airport by myself, quite a bit, but totes worth it~ xD It was so amazing, I had a great time!!~

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

WordOfChen In reply to HarleKlown [2013-01-05 06:53:54 +0000 UTC]

Well yer lucky, I'm very glad ye got that chance ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates

P.S. Sorry fer replyin' after so long, been busy with me e-book which has just been released

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

PowerfulStardust [2012-12-20 17:45:29 +0000 UTC]

Beautiful! Comes from the heart!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

WordOfChen In reply to PowerfulStardust [2013-01-05 06:54:05 +0000 UTC]

Me deepest thanks fer enjoyin' it friend ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates

P.S. Sorry fer replyin' after so long, been busy with me e-book which has just been released

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

PowerfulStardust In reply to WordOfChen [2013-01-05 17:49:25 +0000 UTC]

WOW ...i am always surprised how late a reply can be

Glad YOU are alive and very welcome my friend^^

Ohhh i checked out the e-book...pretty intense i would say

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

WordOfChen In reply to PowerfulStardust [2013-01-05 17:57:34 +0000 UTC]

Thank ye ^^ Buy a copy or share it around if ye can. Every little bit helps :3

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

PowerfulStardust In reply to WordOfChen [2013-01-07 17:15:10 +0000 UTC]

You are welcome

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

frei76 [2012-12-19 13:01:05 +0000 UTC]

omg!!! this is exactly what is happening to me right now ...
I sent the link of your poem to him, I hope he will read this poem and that he can finally understand ...
thanks a lot for sharing!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

WordOfChen In reply to frei76 [2013-01-05 06:54:20 +0000 UTC]

Yer welcome, I hope it all goes wel fer ya lass ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates

P.S. Sorry fer replyin' after so long, been busy with me e-book which has just been released

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

iKestrel [2012-12-19 11:09:01 +0000 UTC]

Ye speak wise words cap'in...

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

WordOfChen In reply to iKestrel [2013-01-05 06:54:29 +0000 UTC]

Tis merely th' sound o' people's hearts, nothin' more ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates

P.S. Sorry fer replyin' after so long, been busy with me e-book which has just been released

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Wiipodgirl [2012-12-19 08:06:02 +0000 UTC]

This is why I miss our note conversations.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

WordOfChen In reply to Wiipodgirl [2013-01-05 06:54:53 +0000 UTC]

I'll be resumin' them presently...soon as I clear these glarin' message stacks aye?

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates

P.S. Sorry fer replyin' after so long, been busy with me e-book which has just been released

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Wiipodgirl In reply to WordOfChen [2013-01-05 06:57:23 +0000 UTC]

I know, I know. It's no problem.

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UtauxIkuto [2012-12-19 06:34:32 +0000 UTC]

This is very cute :33 I understand the feelings behind this, sometimes it is hard to connect with people, but the internet is so easy a place in which to make friends...

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

WordOfChen In reply to UtauxIkuto [2013-01-05 06:55:18 +0000 UTC]

Aye, that I do agree with ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates

P.S. Sorry fer replyin' after so long, been busy with me e-book which has just been released

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

snowywolf13 [2012-12-18 22:31:04 +0000 UTC]

Aw, this is very sweet

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

WordOfChen In reply to snowywolf13 [2013-01-05 06:55:24 +0000 UTC]

Me deepest thanks fer enjoyin' it :3

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates

P.S. Sorry fer replyin' after so long, been busy with me e-book which has just been released

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

snowywolf13 In reply to WordOfChen [2013-01-05 20:31:23 +0000 UTC]

That's fine. Congratulations!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

WordOfChen In reply to snowywolf13 [2013-01-07 05:35:43 +0000 UTC]

Aye indeed, th' book was a fine thing t' get done and that's why I must now be shameless and cram it in front o' everyone's faces. Pirate style eh? HERE YA GO *Shoots th' self promotion cannon*:

T'would really help me out if ye visited me e-book's publication page and liked or shared it. If ye want t' sample it as well, ye can read the first 15% o' the book free.

Here be th' link (^_^)> [link]

Thank ye

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

snowywolf13 In reply to WordOfChen [2013-01-08 02:38:48 +0000 UTC]

*falls over from cannon wound* haha, no sorry XD I will indeed like and look at your book

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lil-desing [2012-12-18 19:30:37 +0000 UTC]

can i post it on tumblr?

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WordOfChen In reply to lil-desing [2013-01-05 06:55:32 +0000 UTC]

If ye give me credit then yes ^^

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates

P.S. Sorry fer replyin' after so long, been busy with me e-book which has just been released

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

S-M-V [2012-12-18 19:06:30 +0000 UTC]

I like your poem very much! I can relate to this and it's beautiful. I love it!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

WordOfChen In reply to S-M-V [2013-01-05 06:55:36 +0000 UTC]

Thank ye kindly :3

-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates

P.S. Sorry fer replyin' after so long, been busy with me e-book which has just been released

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

S-M-V In reply to WordOfChen [2013-01-11 12:37:34 +0000 UTC]

Congratulations on the release

👍: 0 ⏩: 1


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