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DorianP — Silent Plea on Faraway Plains
Published: 2007-01-12 09:22:15 +0000 UTC; Views: 108; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 0
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Description
“I could sing before you came.”“I could dance before we met.”
“And now I have lost it all,
my voice is dust on the wind.”
“There is nothing left of me,
sitting weakly in this chair.”
“We are the mute and the lame,
remnants of what then was fair.
But somewhere we are still the same
as the artists we once were.”
“Why did you take my voice away?”
“Tell me why you crushed my spine.”
“Dancer, I even thought I loved you,
never have I been betrayed this way.”
“I can’t believe we shared so much.
Singer, I’d kill you again if I could.”
“We did not deserve this cruel fate!
Look at us, praying softly and in vain.
We can change, it’s not too late,
if you only take away our pain.”
“Still I want to chant again.”
“My desire is to dance once more.”
“Let the audience be stunned
and everyone will praise me”
“Grant me one last dance
and all will love my grace”
“Why are we here in dread,
on this dark plain of shadows?
We thought we were both dead,
and play in heaven’s meadows.”
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Comments: 17
I must say, though I'm responding late, that you are brilliant! This appeals to me but I can't quite put into words why...
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You're not half as late as I sometimes are 
I must thank you deeply for the praise, although I do not think I am brilliant at all. It's just... sometimes I just have to write, and suddenly I come up with something like this... Hardly conscious. I am very glad, though, that it appeals to you and other readers. I think I like it best of all my pieces, too 
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Reminds me a lot of "Inevitable" and again I have a hard time penetrating its meaning ;] I'm like... I could analyze it with my head, but it doesn't speak so much to my feelings.
Again I have the impression of two parts of one person's personality talking to each other. One, the one in italics, still full of hope of change and heaven, despite the sorry fate of being lame and mute. He's speaking of "we", a spirit of unity and co-operation. The other one laments his fate and blames the other part for it, perceiving him as an enemy.
The frequent quotation marks in the non-italic stanzas confuse me a little. Looks like there are more than one part speaking in those stanzas. Maybe to emphasis the fractioned mind, as opposed to the unity of the other one?
Again I might be way off in my interpretation ;]
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Perhaps it is more clear to you if you know there are two people talking. Two people who are still together, even when they don't want it. One was a dancer, and is now lame. The other was a singer, and is now mute. Two people who completely drain each other.
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Gee, ich war ja wirklich total auf dem Holzweg, wie man auf Deutsch so schon sagt, totally off. Now it all pops into place! Disparate paragraphs of two people arguing and blaming each other, interspersed by a united chorus of hope - but hope that the other will take the pain away, so they're back to square one. A love-hate relationship of two people who can't live with nor without each other.
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I personally find it a little awkward, but that has nothing to do with how well it's actually written.
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Excellent! You're perfectly right, it is awkward. Glad you speak your mind. Welcome in the dark corners of my soul
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"We are the mute and the lame,
remnants of what then was fair.
But somewhere we are still the same
as the artists we once were.”
wow.. i love this part the most.. its an amazing piece
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Thank you so much! This is actually the kind of writing I was tired of, but I decided to try it one more time, and it worked out ok.
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I think this is a great work! I like it a lot...
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How wonderful and sad...I think I know how they feel.
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Welcome. It's beautiful, and it means something...
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