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mindflenzing — RPG His Name is Robert Paulson
Published: 2013-09-07 04:43:59 +0000 UTC; Views: 2531; Favourites: 6; Downloads: 7
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R.P.G. (Ransack People's Gold) is the tale of four D&D/Star Wars/RPG players and their DM, who wishes he were a player. These intrepid players are, from left to right:Kenneth, the over-achieving, yet under appreciated DM.
Adam, the guy who has a theater background but needs a girlfriend.
Barry, the munchkin power-gamer with a bad case of arrested development.
Josh, the straight-laced guy who just wants to play the game.
Kassi, Josh's homicidally-minded younger cousin, whom he regrets inviting.
Between being irritated with work and one of my roommates getting an Ikea catalog in the mail I got to thinking about Fight Club today and while I normally do polish the script a bit more, I think this version is serviceable. After the movie came out my friends and I would endlessly add, "I am Jack's..." to various phrases. For example, "I am Jack's irritable bowels" or, "I am Jack's overdue library book." This strip also happens to also dovetail with a long-running gag at my tables where we make up total B.S. spells and name them Mordenkainen's _, Tenser's _, or Bigby's _ (on account of there being so many wizard spells named after those three wizards). Thus you can see where "I am Mordenkainen's smirking revenge" comes from. We also used to say that, "The first rule of Thieves Guild is, 'You don't talk about Thieves Guild.'"
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Comments: 20
Reminds me of "Tasha's Uncontrollably Hideous Sister is not a real spell." from Mr Welch.
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I love that list.
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I feel all DMs should read it a some stage in their lives, just to make sure they a) know that everyone is there to have fun and b) so they're warned in advance about the crazy stuff players might try to pull, whether it be taking a dragon for a joy-ride, saving the world by getting stoned (on black-lotus), yelling "take that (insert disruptive pupil's name here)" whenever they one-shot a monster, weaponising quel-theory, "accidentally" acquiring a howitzer and a means to enchant it to hurt mythos critters when confronting a Cthulhu cultist with military connections, failing to realise that they might actually need perception skills in a murder mystery game, avoiding the whole race-against-time-to-rescue-friends-from-buring-builing crisis by pointing out ice-based breath-weapon = fire-extinguisher, trolling a 12-year-old non-combat npc to the point where she is now the player's arch-enemy, adopting both a hydra hatching and meta-game-aware kitten, kicking someone in the head while yelling "diversionary tactics" when told to create a diversion, or whatever else they might think of.
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I agree that DMs should be aware of the kind of mess they may have gotten themselves into, but more than anything, that list is just plain hilarious.
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See, I came to the USA and Hubby showed me Fight Club because I (somehow) hadn't seen it yet and my opening comment to his hopeful face when the film ended was, 'Wow, you have IKEA in the US , too?'
Mind you, he thought Helena Bonham Carter was American, so it's a double fail, really.
I am John's social embarrassment.
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Ouch. I recently found out they have an Ikea (relatively) nearby in Denver. My first thought was, "Hey, they condemned this franchise in Fight Club." My second thought was, "Those organizers look trendy and would help me squeeze all my crap into a small apartment."
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I thought that rule was a given for the thieves guild really...
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In my experience. most Rogues talk too much for their own good. For example, talking about robbing their fellow adventurers while within earshot of said adventurers.
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Okay... you do have a point there... there's a lot of people who play rogues in less than smart ways, at least at a table. But on pbp (play by post) which I mainly do the rule tends to be that you don't talk about the thieves guild (and gods have mercy on your soul if you talk about the assassin guild cause they won't). But still, talking about robbing your fellow adventurers isn't the same as talking about the thieves guild! 
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Informing your allies of your intended and inevitable betrayal is more a sign of the player's dump stat than his character's. When I play turncoats or characters with hidden agendas I only discuss it with the DM, that way when I turn on my allies it becomes a dramatic event that was foreshadowed, rather than being just a douche move.
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In general I have to agree with you, even if I have seen some specific cases where discussing it with the others at the table has actually worked out better. But those cases have always been groups that are A) very in-character when they're actually playing, and B) good at keeping their characters feelings and actions separate from their own feelings and actions. But no matter what you do lose the element of surprise that way, and to be honest, in my personal opinion, there's very few games where the overall experience is actually enhanced by having someone turn out to be a turn-coat (yes, this includes evil themed games. Even evil needs allies).
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Usually no. My character was kinda pulling the Spike Spiegel, life feels like a dream since she killed me years ago, thing. I daisy-chained all my characters flaws together so that when the woman he loves shows up to harm the party, my character most likely gets himself and probably some of the rest of the party killed. I figured a sentimental character with an all but guaranteed tragic death would be an interesting change of pace from the self-righteous avengers I like to play. It would have also made the most epic way of bowing out of a campaign... ever.
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That and assassins who wander around posing and dressed in assassin black who tell everyone, but everyone, they're assassins.
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Indeed. That's why the only real assassin character I ran claimed to be an envoy of the Winter Court of the Fey and wore a black coat that looked like an officer's uniform rather than opting for the grinning skull mask and other skull paraphernalia. That assassin also carried a shortbow and a longspear. The spear is not really an assassin weapon but since the character would use shadows to attack (as well as go invisible and teleport), the spear greatly increased the reach of such powers (to the shock and bewilderment of many DMs).
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I hear the name Bigby and think of The Wolf Among Us, because that game looks like it's gonna be kickass.
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I had not heard of it till you mentioned it.
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Well, it still looks like it's gonna be badass.
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